# AP Free Response Lifesaver

You peel back the plastic wrap and gasp. The worst has happened: the free response question on this A.P. exam might as well have been written in ancient Greek and you have just twenty minutes left. The letters seem to dance on the page with glee as you stare, completely dumbfounded. Your lack of preparation is totally understandable, because the premier of the new season of Game of Thrones aired Sunday, and you’re a whole season behind. Nevertheless, you have no idea what the question is asking, much less how you should answer it. But never fear, for you have memorized your Talon A.P. Free Response Lifesaver, you resourceful student, you! If desperate times call for desperate measures, maybe standardized tests call for standardized answers. To use on any A.P. Calculus I, U.S. History, or English exam, simply pick one phrase from each column and voilà!

Extra credit may be awarded to students composing multi-disciplinary responses that combine phrases from all three subjects. Unfortunately, there is no Talon Multiple Choice Lifesaver, so all we can do there is tell you to answer “C” for everything and hope for the best.

**Calculus AB**

Because the interval is closed, |
the graph is concave up at t=139.4, |
therefore the limit goes to 0. |
||

Since f’(x)=0, one may use a Riemann sum to show that |
the average value of H(x) is decreasing, |
as implied by Euler’s method. |
||

Using the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus Part II, |
f has a local minimum at x=1.58, |
hence the slope of the graph is 3.05. |
||

As f(x) is differentiable for all values on this interval, |
f’(x) is both positive and increasing on this interval, |
so the total distance traveled is 0. |
||

Since v(t) is on a closed interval, |
the sign of f’(x) changes from negative to positive, |
ergo the population value is accelerating at time t=6. |

**U.S. History**

Because the interval is closed, |
the graph is concave up at t=139.4, |
therefore the limit goes to 0. |
||

Since f’(x)=0, one may use a Riemann sum to show that |
the average value of H(x) is decreasing, |
as implied by Euler’s method. |
||

Using the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus Part II, |
f has a local minimum at x=1.58, |
hence the slope of the graph is 3.05. |
||

As f(x) is differentiable for all values on this interval, |
f’(x) is both positive and increasing on this interval, |
so the total distance traveled is 0. |
||

Since v(t) is on a closed interval, |
the sign of f’(x) changes from negative to positive, |
ergo the population value is accelerating at time t=6. |

** English**

In response to the social conventions regarding gender roles at the time of the novel’s publication, |
{title} criticizes the hypocrisy of the status quo in traditional epics |
as evident in {author}’s choices in diction and use of zeugma. |
||

As a quintessential specimen of the bildungsroman genre, |
{title} reconciles technological progress in the past quarter-century and the necessity for stillness in daily life, |
through the utilization of iambic pentameter and soliloquy. |
||

In a departure from the hackneyed romantic invective of its contemporaries, |
{title} affirms a doctrine of determinism, |
via obiter dicta syntax. |
||

Rhetorical analysis of {title} reveals that as a byproduct of its appeals to ethos, pathos, logos, and mojos, |
hubris is more malignant than indolence, |
thus lampooning hyperbolic enjambment. |
||

The expository argumentation throughout {title} asserts the hypothesis that |
circular argument is ineffectual given antithetical onomatopoeia, |
through ecclesiastical symbolism and colloquial rhythm. |

## LIABILITY DISCLAIMER:

The above Talon AP Free Response Lifesaver, referred to hereafter as “Lifesaver”, is intended solely for entertainment, and its users should be warned that it is generally factually inaccurate. Use of the Lifesaver on an actual AP exam may result in expulsion from the exam for improper use of study materials, rampant plagiarism, paper cuts, copyright infringement, and/or terrible scores. The Talon cannot be held responsible for the aforementioned, nor for any emotional damage otherwise wrought by standardized testing.