Valentine’s Day: Ask the pros

Seniors and relationship experts Aaron Williams and Nate Angulo answer the tough relationship questions

Robert, sophomore:

Hey guys, I asked this girl out the other day, and she said yes! I was planning on taking her to a movie. What movie do you recommend?

Aaron: Perfect. For your date night, I would suggest Chris Buck’s Frozen, a musical comedy that is simultaneously fun for the whole family, and an accurate description of that pretty young lady’s heart.

Nate: Frozen is a great and safe choice for any first date. But if you’d like to show that lucky lady your more sensitive side I’d suggest the 80’s classic and award-winning film, “Rocky IV”, directed by Sylvester Stallone. The emotional sparks from this film is bound to kindle a forest fire of sensitivity to your relationship.

Patricia, junior:

Before I start, I’d like to thank you guys for your response to John’s conundrum last week, it helped me out a lot. Anyways, my boyfriend and I have been dating a few months now, and he recently told me that he wanted us to take the next step in our relationship: sharing his athletic wear. I really like him, but I’m not sure I’m ready to move this fast.

Aaron: Nice to hear from you again, Patricia, I’m always impressed by your maturity. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can say the same thing about your man. Do you know where that thing has been? Well I don’t either, but I can tell you one place it probably hasn’t been: THE WASH. Burn it before he burns you.

Nate: I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. does he know what that means? Your man doesn’t get it, girl. You are strong, independent and proud. So tell him what’s up, Patty: you’re what’s up. Simply said, Patricia, know your worth.

Alicine, sophomore:

Hey guys, so this might not be your forte, but it’s more of relationship control rather than relationship advice. My two friends that I love dearly are in a relationship, but when I hang out with them I’m kind of the 3rd wheel and I’m not sure what to do when they start acting “cute” with each other. What do you guys suggest?

Nate: Mmhm mhhm I see, yes, quite. Well, Alicine, may I call you Ally? Listen, Al, we’ve all been there- not necessarily myself- but still. This hytroperbalactic euphorianistic candy cultured lipgloss, cabbage patch kid Brittney Spears loving generation has to be put down lest we become no better than the beasts we so desperately attempt to cleave from our inner sanctification. We can’t be cuttin’ corners, Al. We gotta put down “The Man”, Al. The next time those two love birds start yacking out their bird calls I suggest one of the three following approaches: leave.

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About Dominique Hlavac

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